i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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