mondays should just be called national damage control day
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
