I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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