Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
