are you still at the devil's house?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
