if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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