I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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