he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
