yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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