I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
