I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
