**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
