I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is classic penis vs brain.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
