Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize