New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just pee around me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
