This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
