This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
