stop calling my apartment porn island.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
