ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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