I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
