then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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