dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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