So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
