my being single is dangerous.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm like, not good at living.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
