Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
