Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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