Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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