i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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