If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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