he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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