and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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