Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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