I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize