Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
