walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
