im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize