It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
