Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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