wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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