Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I want her autograph on my taint
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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