You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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