Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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