the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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