and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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