i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
