Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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