Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
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We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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