Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
