She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
