Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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