I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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