Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize