I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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