i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
