Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
