i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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