Im at strip club and am horny
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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