Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
