I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
