My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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