How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
two words...techno handjob
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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