Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i dont even know how to be here
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
