He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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