Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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