Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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