I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
