My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
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There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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