i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
