dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
