I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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