Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
