I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
