I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
