Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
