I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
