is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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